Which leads to the unsettling matter of Salsa Golf. In Argentina, it arrives at the table in a little packet, nestled between the mayo and the ketchup. The label offers no clues to its intended usage, featuring a limpid chicken breast, salad and a little jump roping child. What is this Salsa Golf?!! What is it for?!!
Rip open the corner (struggle, you may) and an orangey goo emerges. It has no odor. It's taste... equally elusive. Two independent experts stated the following to describe the Salsa Golf "flavor":
Taster One: Tastes like ...plastic. Maybe slightly fruity. It's bad.
Taster Two: I taste nothing. There's no flavor here. It's like mayo but with even less flavor. Who would do this?!!
Who indeed? An exhaustive search of the most trusted and vetted websites around (wikipedia. ahem.) unveiled a diabolical "fact." Turns out the dude who "developed" salsa golf was a NOBEL PEACE PRIZE winner for (wait for it...) Chemistry.
And how did this incomprehensible, practically undetectable condiment come to be? Turns out this science mastermind one day took it upon himself to mix a little ketchup into his mayo, added a squirt of lemon and BAM! SALSA GOLF. ( Note: tasters, particularly Taster 2, enjoy the combination of ketchup and mayo. Salsa golf, mysteriously, turns this pleasing pairing into something terrible).
Just as Alfred Nobel came up with his peace prize as a way to make up for paving the way for plastic explosives, I think Professor Salsa Golf should have created a system to ensure that no bland and terrible sauce ever again makes it to the mass market. The world, its people, and its french fries, have already suffered enough.
As "Taster One," I also think that it was designed to somehow make foods blander...
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